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Swipe, swipe, swipe

  • No, not this one, it's a bathroom selfie.  Swipe left
  • Aaaaagh!  She's just plain scary.  Swipe left
  • This one looks OK.  Swipe up for next picture.  Shit!  That's Bumble, this is Tinder.  I've just Super Liked her and I've only seen one picture.  FML.
  • Completely blank profile.  Not even a pic.  Swipe left
  • Not interested in ONS.  Literally every profile says this.  Took me ages to work out what ONS is.  Useless knowledge anyway; nobody's interested
  • "Marisa"  102.  Clearly not her real age.  But looks dead behind the eyes.  Swipe left
  • Blimey, this one has a bio.  Some actual words about herself.  Unfortunately, most of them are about dancing in the rain like nobody's watching.  Swipe left
  • Looks ok.  At least, I think that's her.  First photo has two girls in it (no cup, fortunately).  Second photo is a group shot.  She could be any of them.  Next 3 photos are of a cat.  Swipe left
  • Ah, another bio.  What's this?  - I'm 5'8" and I like to wear heels, so please be more than 6'2"  Sure, I'll invest in some platform heels.  Swipe left.... Next!
  • Helen - 42.  "I'm actually 51, but can't change my age on this thing".  What other lies are you already telling, Helen?  Swipe left
  • Rel:  45.  "Career for my mom"  ???  Oh  Carer.  Can't spell.  Swipe left
  • 5000 emojis and lots of LOL.  You're in your 40's, woman.  Swipe left
  • Photo of horse.  Swipe left
  • Photo of star jump on a beach, followed by photo of horse.  Swipe left
  • Photo of horse doing star jump on a beach.  Looks interesting.  Horse has no bio and age isn't specified.  Swipe left
  • Group shot of horses.  Time to stop swiping and go to work...


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